Let me ask you this. Have you have read the
Constitution of the United States of America lately? I’ll be willing to bet George W. Bush has
never read it. I suggest that you take the time to do so, carefully, while you still can before it’s locked up in a secret State vault.
Here’s a link to help.
Pay close attention to
Amendment IV.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses,
papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall
not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause,
supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place
to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Did you see that? You have the right to be secure in your persons, houses,
papers and effects. Now I’m no Supreme Court Justice, but even I will tell you that
“papers” includes mail. See that letter from the Little Orphan Annie’s Secret Society with the
Secret Decoder Badge inside? That’s my personal
private property
there Mr. Bush! I’ve been led to believe that opening and reading
another person’s mail is a Federal Offence. When did this change?
Obviously, if you’re George W. Bush or one of his henchmen, on December
20, 2006. It’s still a one-way ticket to the slammer for the rest of us.
Are we going to let The Shrub get away with this outrage? What’s it
going to take to put this megalomaniac away? The noxious facts of an
illegal war and 3,000 dead U.S. troops irritate people only because the
U.S. is getting its backside kicked. Remember when the Feds decided to
listen in on your phone calls and read your email? That barely raised
a stink. The tossing out of habeas corpus was greeted by a collective
yawn. Not even the eloquence of
Keith Olbermann could rouse our stupefied citizenry. How many people actually know what
habeas corpus is anyway?
So I doubt having the federal government ripping open birthday cards,
fingering family vacation photos or steaming open love letters is going
to bother anybody. We hold this truth inviolate: Our Beloved Leader
must be empowered tofind those anthrax spores and other threats to
his freedom to be a tyrant! Besides,
what do you have to fear from George W. Bush’s Gestapo agents? You’re completely innocent and his job is to
protect you.
If you actually believe Bush’s excuses you probably don’t know how to
write a letter in the first place. If, by chance, you do know how to
write a letter, I suggest you choose the safe course by writing
nothing. Or if you must write letters, just sign them
Richard Perle, Mamie Eisenhower or Elvis. Be sure to wear latex gloves to hide your prints.
For those of you who agree with me and think your mail is your personal
business, I have a suggestion. If George wants to read your mail send
it to him! That’s right. Make it easy for the louse. Let’s give George
the benefit of the doubt and be “with him” instead of “against him!”
Xerox all your letters and send them to George, starting with those
after Christmas thank you notes all the way to next December’s greeting
cards. Oh and don’t forget Junior’s letters to Santa! “Dear Santa, I
would like my daddy home for Christmas. Please don’t wrap him in a box
with a flag. - Billy.”
And then there’s all your incoming mail.
Think about it. What do you actually get in your mailbox everyday?
Bills and garbage. That’s what! George may learn some facts about the
poor state of the U.S. economy
when he scours your credit card bills, your children’s college tuition
statements, the family health insurance account, those pesky late
notices from the mortgage company and that sinister envelope from the
IRS. On rare occasions you get something you might want, like the
Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
Bush already has a mountain of those stashed in the Oval Office
Executive “reading room” where the Iraq Study Group Report got flushed.
But, let’s face it, mostly you get junk, junk, junk and more junk.
Ok, here’s the drill: stuff it all into an envelope and send it off to
George! Let his hound dogs sniff it to search for clues. You can save
money by routinely asking the Post Office to forward all your mail to
the White House. Just don’t expect George to forward your mail on to
you. Of course, you don’t really want it anyway.
Imagine the White House buried in a mountain of junk mail from all
300,918,099
and counting of America’s angry citizens. What a happy thought! I’d pay
money to see it! Let The Shrub decide which company to refinance your
house or which body sculpting gym you ought to join! During election
years, Bush will be swamped with letters from the GOP… and the
Democrats… begging for money. Oh bliss.
Here’s the address:
President George W. Bush
The White House
Washington, DC 20500
Happy reading George!
Elizabeth Gyllensvard contributed to and edited this story. 
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