When you're bored, get on board. For some that might mean a surfboard, a snowboard, or maybe a skateboard. For Vice President Dick Cheney, when he's not busy shooting lawyers, hiding out in undisclosed locations, or tampering with the U.S. Constitution, it's waterboarding for him. Plus, if we're to believe the rumors, Deadeye Dick may have an unlikely new playmate... a certain blonde with the initials HRC.
While being interviewed on Fargo radio, the VP was asked: "Would you agree that a dunk in the water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?" Dick replied, "It's a no-brainer for me." To him, holding someone's head under water until they talk (a.k.a. "waterboarding") is just part of "a fairly robust interrogation program."
Which brings us to the mysterious HRC and I don't think I have to tell you her full name. Just a few months ago Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton declared that the Military Commissions Act "undermines the Geneva Conventions by allowing the president to issue executive orders to redefine what are permissible interrogation techniques." She wondered: "Have we fallen so low as to debate how much torture we are willing to stomach?"
However, when asked more recently for her thoughts about America's fastest
growing new sport, HRC was singing a new tune. While not quite as robust a
waterboarder as Dick, she did admit she could imagine "rare" instances
"where we have sufficient basis to believe that there is something imminent"
in which "there has to be some lawful authority for pursuing that." Why the
sudden change? Perhaps we can sum it up in one word: Dick. With a symbolic
wink to her VP buddy, HRC added: "I think the president has to take
responsibility. There has to be some check and balance, some reporting. I
don't mind if it's reporting in a top secret context."
Top secret? She is just too cute...no matter what that Spencer character says.
Tongues are wagging that HRC first cultivated her passion for torture thank
to hubby, Bill, who says: "If they really believe the time comes when the
only way they can get a reliable piece of information is to beat it out of
someone or put a drug in their body to talk it out of 'em, then they can
present it to the Foreign Intelligence Court, or some other court, just
under the same circumstances we do with wiretaps. Post facto." (Don't you
just love when he speaks Latin?)
Not everyone is keyed up about the deepening Hillary/Dick connection. Spoilsport Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina just doesn't get it. "Water-boarding, in my opinion, would cause extreme physical and psychological pain and suffering," he says, "and it very much could run afoul of the War Crimes Act."
Sounds like someone needs a little Dick...or maybe a small dose of "Fair and Balanced" might help. On "FOX & Friends First," Brian Kilmeade described waterboarding as nothing more than "wet washcloth" with co-host Steve Doocy adding: "You don't dunk them in the water. You just kind of splash some water on them."
Yeah, it sounds like fun...a real no-brainer. Just ask Hillary and Dick.